I have recently read an interesting article about a mum who was disappointed when she discovered she was having a baby boy, not a girl. She was genuinely devastated.
This got me thinking. I had no idea so many women, and even some dads, experience these feelings when they find out the sex of their baby. Many women probably keep their emotions to themselves. It’s not something to be proud of, I guess. Especially, when there are so many struggling couples who would do anything to conceive and have a healthy baby, regardless of the gender.
Ever since I remember, I always wanted to have two kids, one of each gender and preferably a girl first, then a boy. There wasn’t any particular reason for this, but maybe it’s something to do with the fact that I was always closer to girls than to boys?
I wasn’t really a girly girl, and I wasn’t wearing pink, dresses and skirts, didn’t spent hours to get ready and wasn’t too bothered with my make up. In fact, you would only find a couple of dresses in my wardrobe, I wear them for special occasions, but that’s about it. I like ice hockey, and since I’m with my partner, I even like to watch football, oh, and I like to watch thrillers and horror movies occasionally, definitely not a big rom-com fan. Despite this, I always felt more connection with girls.
As I got older and the more I thought about having kids, the more I wanted a baby girl. So, when I got pregnant, I was convinced from the beginning that I’m having a girl. My unborn baby even had a girl’s name in my mind. I struggled to come up with boys’ names I liked, while there was no shortage of potential girls’ names. My partner didn’t have a preference about baby’s gender, boy or a girl, it didn’t matter to him, as long as she/he is healthy.
When I found out at my 20-week scan appointment that I’m really having a healthy baby girl, I was over the moon, to say the least.
Now, here’s the question. Would I be disappointed if I discovered I was having a boy? Possibly a bit, as I envisioned a little girl growing inside me, but I wouldn’t be devastated if it was a boy. I know, if it were a boy, I would be in a bit of a shock at first, because I would have to say goodbye to the girl I had envisioned and welcome the little boy instead. It would most probably be a very short-lived sadness. A healthy baby was still the most important thing I wanted.
Why do people have such a strong inclination towards a particular gender?
From what I’ve read, more often than not, women would like girls rather than boys. Why is it? What’s so special about having girls? Of course, every woman, every parent will have different reasons why they want one gender over the other.
But there seems to be this stereotypical belief in the society about what it’s like to have a boy and vice versa. Girls are well behaved and calm, boys are naughty and wild. Girls play with dolls, boys play with mud. So, it’s no wonder many women want girls as they may seem to be easier to raise than boys.
There were some other reasons why I wanted a baby girl, although they may be a bit silly and superficial. If you look at the selection of clothes for baby boys and baby girls, it’s easy to see the inequality. There is just so much more color and variety in baby girls’ department. I have some friends, and family members who have boys and they always complain about how unfair it is that girls have so much choice and there is hardly any excitement when shopping for boys.
I’m looking forward to having a new BFF, having a unique bond that’s between a mother and a daughter, go on shopping sprees together, or have some girly chats together. I’m hoping that I will be able to understand better what she goes through as she grows up because I’ve been there myself.
Having a daughter I wanted so much, I feel incredibly blessed. Of course, I have my hopes about what she will become. But who knows? Nobody can guarantee that she will enjoy the girls’ stuff and all the things I have visualised we will do together. There is still a chance that my baby will be a tomboy, that she’ ll be into cars, trains, mud and anything that boys are supposed to play with.
There is no assurance that your girl/boy will become to be anything like you have imagined. There is no guarantee that my baby will be like this. But that doesn’t matter in the slightest; I love her no matter what she will become in the future.
All these stereotypes about genders are only causing distress, anxiety and sadness when people discover they are expecting the ‘wrong’ sex baby. Babies are all unique, and we should all acknowledge and embrace this fact. You can create a life-lasting bond with your baby, whether it’s a boy or a girl. Your boy can be the most gentle and loving little boy, while your girl can also be the sporty type with love for all the boys’ stuff.
Did you experience gender disappointment? How did it affected you and how did you overcome these feelings? I would love to hear your thoughts on this sensitive subject.